Lighten Up

This post is one for me. To chastise myself a bit, and let myself off the hook at the same time.

Lately with Ben working out of town again, and the pressure I put on myself to do it all perfectly by myself, I've had this nagging feeling in my gut that I've just been riding Matty a little too hard. Expecting a little too much. Pushing a little too hard. I hate that. Who wants to be that person? Who wants to work 8 hours a day, commute for 2 and spend the cherished few moments together marking teachable moments at the dinner table because he's eating applesauce with his fingers. I guess this is something all mother's struggle with. Balance. Being too hard or too soft. Struggling with the big questions: If he eats applesauce with his fingers now, will he always?

Queen of No. That's been me lately. And the Queen of Comparison. Do other mothers do this? Subtly look at the other children in the class and think to themselves: Does he put on his own shoes and socks everyday? I don't really make the time in the mornings to let Matty try. Does he patiently wait until his bedtime pull-up and poop in his pants? Matty knows how to poop on the potty, he just doesn't feel like it.

I've gotten all caught up in a nasty mess in my head of milestones, details and deadlines. No, not for me and my work, but my Matty. Sweet little Matty. Sweet, smart, funny, curious and imaginative little Matty.

Then a little while ago, I was reading something that made me feel a lot better. Just something I needed to see. So I put it up at my desk to remind myself to lighten up a little bit. Some of this I do well, but it's so easy to let yourself forget.